It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
