She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
