And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
