I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
