man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
