I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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