people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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