he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
