I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
