I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
