but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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