Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
