i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
As shirtless as possible
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
