one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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