Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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