dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
