Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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