Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
