Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
