He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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