also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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