were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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