i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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