he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
