upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize