This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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