According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
