I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize