What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
