Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
