Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize