He uses pillows to masturbate.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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