Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
