I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A+ Viking dick
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