i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
