I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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