nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
