There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
