bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
