dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
