Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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