boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
