WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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