the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
