How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
