she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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