i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
