they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
