i permit you to call me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize