I need help removing her.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
