Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
