Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My life is pants optional.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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