Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
