Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
