We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize