On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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