If that was your dad, he is hot
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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