Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
