I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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