I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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