That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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