remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
