when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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