i permit you to call me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
