ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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