I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My breasts were aching with rage.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Two words: blizzard sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
