Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
