If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
