I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
