Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize