He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
