She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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