Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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