Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
this hospital has no fireball
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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