Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
