Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
