shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
