Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
